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#1 2011-08-25 19:22:50

Registered: 2007-12-19
Posts: 247

Top 10 jokes of the year...

These are the top 10 best (and worst) jokes of the year at this year's Edinburgh Fringe festival (as viewed at … tival.html)

1. Nick Helm – “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”

2. Tim Vine – “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”

3. Hannibal Buress – “People say ‘I'm taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.”

4. Tim Key – “Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought ... once you've hired the car ...”

5. Matt Kirshen – “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess.”

6. Sarah Millican – “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”

7. Alan Sharp – “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.”

8. Mark Watson – “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.”

9. Andrew Lawrence – “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.”

10. DeAnne Smith – “My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin.”

The best of the worst:

1. Tim Vine – “Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”

2. Vladimir McTavish – “The Lockerbie bomber put Lockerbie on the map, well he nearly took it off it too.”

3. Josh Howie – I've got nothing against the Chinese. Don't get me Wong.

4. Card Ninja – “I went to see this show and the guy said ‘Hey kid do you like magic?’ And I said ‘Yeah!’ So he asked if I wanted to see a trick and I said ‘Yeah!’ So he said ‘think of a number, times it by 2 and if it’s odd ...’ Oh no, he's a MATHmagician! “

5. Tom Webb – “Due to the economy, profiteroles will now be called deficiteroles.”

6. Nathan Caton – “Postcode wars? That sounds like a really bad BBC game show.”

7. Andrew Bird – “My wife’s eating for two. She’s not pregnant, just schizophrenic.”

8. Mark Olver – “During my first murder I was like a dyslexic having my back teeth removed ... losing my morals.”

9. Andrew O’Neill – “A song for the colour blind: “And I think to myself ... why did I become a bomb disposal expert?”



#2 2011-08-25 19:33:00

Registered: 2011-08-01
Posts: 143

Re: Top 10 jokes of the year...

Hmm...I guess they just don't make funny like they used to...

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ~ Drew Carey



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